General questions

Do I have to tell people I dated before I knew?

I have been given a diagnosis and the clinic asked how far back my partners go. I have two people from the last few months. One of them ended badly and the idea of messaging them is making me feel sick.

How did you do it? Did you tell them yourself or did you let the clinic do it?

riverbank9 3 months ago

NoteMember experience, not medical advice. Symptoms overlap between infections and only a test can tell them apart.

3 replies

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almostfine 3 months ago

Ask the clinic about anonymous partner notification. Mine offered to contact people for me without naming me, and that is what I did for the one I couldn’t face. It’s a standard service, not a special favour, and the person on the other end gets told to come in for a test without being told who sent them.

For the other one I sent a short factual message. No apology spiral, no detail, just what I’d tested positive for and that they should get checked. Short was much easier than I expected.

quietkettle 3 months ago

What helped me was remembering the message isn’t about the relationship, it’s about someone getting a test they wouldn’t otherwise get. You are doing them a favour, even if it doesn’t land that way in the moment.

low_tide 3 months ago

Practical wording, since drafting it is the part that takes people days.

Say what you tested positive for, say they should get checked, offer nothing else. No apology essay, no explanation of how you think it happened, and above all no guess about who gave it to whom. You do not know that and saying it out loud turns a health message into an accusation.

Send it and then put the phone down. You are not obliged to manage their reaction.

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